2020 has been a blend of highs and lows, to say it went as anticipated would be somewhat a lie. From numerous interview failures to landing a permanent role and not to mention the pandemic has been more than a thrill on a rollercoaster. From my experiences, there are so many lessons I wish I had learned so that I could apply them. In my opinion, the thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they are learned in retrospect, long after we need them.
One thing I have learned last year is that you don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It is our human nature to want to have a sense of belonging, to be liked, respected and more importantly valued; though this should not be at the expense of your own integrity and happiness. In the midst of the pandemic this gave me some crucial ‘me’ time; to think about my future goals and also the people in my life. I am happy to say that I have deleted about 30 numbers from my phone, people who would use me when they needed something and when things got better for them I would be a mere shadow in their life. By taking this action I have felt a massive burden was lifted off my shoulder.
So what are the 2 things I have learned?
To say ‘no’ — I often would at times feel immense pressure to do things I do not want to do. As often, I found these places pressure on myself. I have learned the key is identifying to balance kindness and courteousness without sacrificing my own sense of self-worth. Life flows, moves, and progresses whether we say no or not. We can make the choice to go through it hurriedly or go through it mindfully. I recognized that it is okay to say no even if I have already said yes. for me it is far better to make the right decision late than follow through with the wrong one.
My self-worth — there were times when I felt lost and confused, my mind would turn into a spaghetti junction. I would question myself ‘ am I doing this to please others or myself’? the deeper I thought about this it literally felt like I was rubbing salt into a wound that I knew would sting! so what actually determines my self-worth? is it my job? social media following or what I have achieved so far? I had to first take a look at my current situation and a list of what does not determine self-worth. It was very easy to get caught up in a drift of identifying status, and popularity. My list ended up with the following words: kindness, compassion, empathy, respect for others — that what determines your self-worth.
What challenges did I encounter and how did I overcome them?
In the mid part of 2020, I was really struggling with securing a permanent role, my PowerPoint presentations were not good enough to answer the key ingredients that the interviewer was looking for. I turned to someone whom I trusted and looked up to and made that leap of faith to ask for help and guidance to improve my PowerPoint skills. It took many attempts and feedback to get it spot on, I am so grateful to have that person in my life. The key thing for me was practice and lots of practice, I would not say I am an expert but I am learning every day.
When I landed my permanent role in October I really struggled to understand the organisational structure and culture, having done most of my project management in Acute settings and then moving over to Primary care and Out of Hospital, there was a massive challenge to understand how this all integrates into secondary care. The stakeholders were massive, they were mostly external such as STP’s and CCG’s. I did my 90-day plan of how to embed into the new organisation and what steps I would take to make myself visible. I did this by having an initial ‘meet and greet’ over MS Teams and actually understanding their role and their expectations, this, in turn, has benefitted me so much in my projects that ‘touch wood’ I am getting a lot of support and guidance.
What are my plans for 2021?
· To improve on my existing skillset
· To read more books — my aim is to read at least 2 per month
· Exercise more — I have been thinking about running (need to think whether to do it in the morning or evening)
· Blog more — at least 2 times per month
I have not really made any new year resolutions this year, I tend to find that I don’t stick to them, instead, I create nugget sized goals and use a Kanban Board to track my progress. Given the current pandemic situation, we can only hope 2021 is a positive start for everyone. Where there is hope there is a will.
